EP.: 213
DATE: 08.19.2024
ARENA: THE EPICENTER
Austin Anderson Vs. IAM 2
Singles Match
IN THE RING
I NEED THEM BUCKS LIKE GIANNIS
The lights in the arena cut unexpectedly–causing the crowd to start buzzing, and the occasional flash-assisted camera phone to pop off. Soon, there’s a haunting vocalization…accompanied by a golden skull logo showing through smoke on the video walls. The crowd starts to cheer at the imminent arrival of the Sin City Champion, as a throbbing bass starts to rumble the rivets from the girders.
“Grabba” by Ron Suno starts playing, and it’s all get money NYC drill as the lights come up. Because standing in the spotlight, title belt on his shoulder, shirtless, in designer jeans and Galaxy Foamposits, wearing at least a small nation’s GDP in gold necklaces, and smoking an absolutely monstrous blunt is the only man who could come out to music like this.
Mike de los Huesos.
He soaks in the cheers and starts making his way to the ring, pausing occasionally to do some mixture of getting sturdy and Bachata, much to the delight of the packed epicenter.
This grip, it gon’ punch like grabba
Ain’t never on nada
I need them bucks like Giannis
Been gettin’ rich, I’m on top of the roster
He jogs a few to the ringside, pantomiming offering his spliff to some fans in the front before laughing and waving them off. We can see he now has gold fronts covering him from canine to canine on both the top and bottom of his teeth. He bounces as he climbs the steps, then sprints and hops to the middle turnbuckle, clearing a solid six feet horizontally–and then grabs his belt to hold it over his head to a deafening renewal of cheers from the crowd.
I’m gettin’ heavy money than my teachers
I sip on Henny, I don’t do the liters
Told her to rate me on a scale from one through ten, goddamn, I nearly broke the meter
He hops down as the beat resumes, nodding his head as he calls for a mic–which gets thrown to him as the music dies down. Flashing that dazzling, precious metal grin, he throws his head back.
Mikey: SHOOT Project! Que lo que?!
The crowd returns a “que lo que!” to him, causing our resident Dominican skeleton to grin. He shoulders his fresh, shiny new title, nodding his head.
Mikey: Y’all know when a dude was talking about the buildup to that meat grinder, I said some heavy shit. Talked about what a legacy means, what this could mean for kids with a dream from a neighborhood that’s trying its hardest to keep you from escaping.
He pauses for a moment, searching for the words.
Mikey: And you know what I said. ‘I just have to win this once and I’m a legend.’ But now that I’ve got this?
He walks to the side of the ring facing the entrance, leaning on the ropes and looking to the back.
Mikey: I’m here to show every. Fuckin’. One of you dickheads…why you’re looking at a champion. Why you’re back there, watching me on a monitor…and I’m here, my shoulder getting tired from hauling around all this success, yuheard? Shit, I dont even wanna call it an open challenge, feel me? Because that implies that any of you is gonna present a real challenge to me. Mamagüevos don’t stand a fuckin’ chance. But I invite you to try. Please try.
The crowd cheers at this, but he takes another hit from his blunt and holds his hand up. He exhales as he speaks, encircling his head in a cloud of zaza smoke.
Mikey: Ay! Ay, and let me be real clear with it–it don’t gotta be here. My bank account would prefer it if it was in the ring, but if you really feel that ribbit in your chest? Try me in the locker room. Try my ass in catering. Try me out in the street, but you’re gonna be mad surprised at how bad it’s gonna go for you.
He holds his title aloft once more.
Mikey: Cause you must have forgot about who you’re dealing with. I know y’all thought I was just some court jester in the Empire, right? Just like you thought I was comic relief at every other point in my career. But you know what happens? Those ‘big names’ yall can’t stop dickriding, those ‘superstars’ you can’t stop talking about?
De los Huesos, aka De los Huevos, grins.
Mikey: They all fall. Disappear. But me? Shit, I’m just getting started.
With that, Mike throws the mic down as “Grabba” cues back up, and he starts jawing to the crowd with a smile on his face. Mike de los Huesos has achieved nearly the impossible, and it’s clear he plans on continuing to do so. We cut away from the ring…
SCOTTIE BARNES VS. ELIJAH STARBORNE
Singles Match
Backstage
CAME HERE FOR AN APOLOGY
We cut backstage to a familiar face that has been absent from the ring for a few shows now. Josh Kaine stands outside a locker room, the name on the sign hidden from view. No telling how long he’s been there, but the son of Jada Kaine possesses more patience than most would credit him with. He heaves a sigh, eyes glancing to a nearby clock on the wall. His arms crossed over his chest, waiting for the room’s occupant to open the door.
Josh: Ah fuck it.
He uncrosses his arms, reaching over to knock on the door. Josh speaks loud enough that the person on the other side of the door can hear him.
Josh: Might as well open the door, I ain’t goin’ away anytime soon.
The door flies open, revealing Joey ‘Golden’ Burkhalter to be the occupant. He looks annoyed–then upon seeing Josh, almost comically disdainful.
Burkhalter: You get lost or something, do-gooder?
Josh lets out a snort, shaking his head.
Josh: Nah, ain’t lost. Came here for an apology from you.
He holds up a tattooed hand, silencing Burkhalter’s attempt to respond.
Josh: Ah ah ah, see–that offer to help out you and your family didn’t come with conditions. I ain’t never expected much beyond maybe a ‘thanks’ or ‘thanks, but no thanks–I got this’. But you saw a helpin’ hand and took it upon yourself to be a real arrogant fuckin’ prick for no damn reason. I figured I’d give ya the chance to apologize and make shit square.
Burkhalter looks incredulous–which admittedly, on a face as cookie-cutter stereotypical nordic handsome as his, is pretty comical. He crosses his arms, leaning against the doorway, taking in the information. Finally, the computer stops its calculations.
Burkhalter: Okay, you said that shit, cool. Let me say some too, cause that’s how this works, right? You don’t know me. We’ve never spoken before you offered me a check to fix my family’s problems. You don’t even know what they are, you don;t know the details, you know jack and shit, bruh. But most of all…you didnt even bother to figure if that would be cool by me. You didn’t even consider how that would make me feel. Because in your mind…you get to be a savior. You get to go home and lay your head on your pillow and know you did a good deed because you threw some money at the poor guy who’s just starting to make a name for himself. That check wasn’t for me or my mom or my sisters.
He leans close, eyes narrowing.
Burkhalter: It was for your ego. And fuck your ego.
Josh shakes his head.
Josh: Nah, bro–it was just to help. I mighta overstepped a bit in offerin’ without gettin’ to know you first, but I grew up with nothin’ but my family. Because of that, I don’t like seein’ folks suffer. Especially when I got the means to help. You’re the one out here actin’ a fool thinkin’ you’re too good for it. You know what, I don’t even care about that. I care about you bein’ a royal fuckin’ prick to me for no good reason besides your own ego.
He sighs, glancing off to the side briefly before Josh leans right back into Joey’s personal space.
Josh: See, I don’t even have to know you personally to know your mama raised you up better than this. You don’t wanna accept a bit of help, that’s all fine and dandy; but I don’t take folks bein’ rude for no fuckin’ good reason. So you can apologize to me for bein’ a prick, or I can remind you what manners are in the comin’ days.
Before the Golden one can respond, Josh pushes himself away from the wall and saunters off down the hall.
Josh: Your choice, man.
Burkhalter looks on as Kaine walks off, chewing his lip and clearly stewing. Slowly, he nods his head, as if he’s accepting something–or deciding it. With a curl of his fingers into a vascular fist, he turns back into the room as we cut away…
KAZNA MOROZOVA VS. HAMBRIENTO II
Singles Match
Backstage
BOUNCING BACK
Quick, Robin! To the backstage!
Where Abigail Chase waits with our Dynamic Duo, Benjamin and Dennis Colton. They’re looking a little less dynamic than usual, what with the lack of shiny gold belts. But they still have those sweet satin jackets with their names on them, and seem to be in good spirits.
Abigail Chase: Hello, fans! Abigail Chase here, getting a word with former SHOOT Project Tag Team Champions, the Coltons. Gentlemen, you suffered a rough night at Iron Will, losing in consecutive matches against the Devil’s Advocates.
The Lads wince simultaneously.
Benjamin Colton: Yeah, that wasn’t our finest hour.
Dennis Colton: To say the least.
Abigail Chase: And now, for the first time in over a year, you’re on the outside of the title picture, looking in. Are you worried that your time as the premiere tag team in SHOOT is over?
Benjamin Colton: Over? Nah. Now I won’t deny that we’ve had some setbacks this year. Iron Will…the Masters of the Mat…
Dennis Colton: …that rash you keep getting…
Benjamin Colton: I thought we agreed not to talk about that. REGARDLESS! As great as our run with the belts has been, it’s pretty clear that the rest of the division has finally caught up to us. I mean, look around! There’s so many great teams that we haven’t mixed it up with yet. The Wild Ones, the Punchline, Heirs to the Throne, the Swarm, these new Saint guys…they’re hungry, They all want to be the next team up. Not a single one of ‘em’s gonna step aside just ‘cause we’re coming through, and that is FINE BY US, baby! ‘Cause we’re ready to prove that with or without the belts, we are STILL the A-One Since Day One, and no matter how stacked the tag division gets, the Coltons will find their way to the top! BIG MAN!
Dennis Colton: I’m right here, you don’t have to yell.
Benjamin Colton: I’m sorry, cousin. Would you do me a solid and let ‘em know, please?
Dennis Colton: Yeah, I think I can do that.
Benjamin Colton: Thanks. Appreciate you.
Dennis Colton: Make no mistake, SHOOT Project! We are coming back for those Tag Team Titles, no matter how long it takes, no matter who we have to go through. It’s gonna be a grind every step of the way, but that’s just fine by us. ‘Cause we know that greatness isn’t just about getting on a heater. It’s about perseverance. Handling adversity. Taking someone’s best shot and getting right back up again and asking for more. And y’all are about to see that perseverance is what the Coltons are all about. We know we’re gonna get the A-game from every team we step in the ring with. Hell, we might even get your A-plus-plus game with extra credit. And you know what we say to that?
Benjamin Colton: We say…HELL YEAH!
Dennis Colton: Can’t. Wait.
Abigail Chase: Bold words from the Coltons, who may be down but certainly not out. They’ll be one of several teams representing SHOOT in the Milo Flynn Cup two weeks from now; after that, it looks like they’ll be diving right back into the fray. Let’s head back to ringside.
Quick, Robin! To ringside!
NEON SAINTS VS. FEAR & LOATHING
Tag Team Match
PROMOTIONAL VIDEO
Bring me your heroes
Revere them while you can
Understand that their time is limited
Take what little joy you have
Accept that it is fleeting
Live for as long as you can
A shot of a man, completely blacked out, silhouette style is shown. He’s sitting at a table. The only thing you can make out about him is that he has long hair and that he’s pretty decently sized. He’s surrounded by five others.
Four men, one woman.
Invite me into your hearts
Never doubt me again
Help yourselves to my splendor
Usurp your normal expectations
Massacre your enemies
Abandon your throne
Navigate the fall of an Empire.
The scene shifts away from the silhouetted figures, now shifting to a promotional image of Joshua Breedlove’s Empire standing tall. Slowly, a bloody X is drawn over each and every one of their faces, starting with Mike de los Huesos, moving on through the Johnson brothers, Madison Seton, and finally landing on Breedlove himself.
His non-X’d face lingers longer than the others before a stark metal scraping the floor sound is heard and a bloody X crosses his face. An altered voice speaks.
“We are coming for you.
We’ll begin with the Empire
Then we’ll own the SHOOT Project.”
Black.
UNHOLY CYBER ARMY VS. ATOMIC PUNKS
Tag Team Match
IN THE RING
BENEVOLENT AND FAIR
The Epicenter’s video wall comes to life as the image of the Real Deal appears. Next to him, is his faithful new assistant, Scottie Barnes who is fresh off of a win against Elijah Cassius Starborne. Barnes is standing by with an icy cold bottle of water, which he places next to the SHOOT Project CEO and Owner.
Real Deal: Wonderful, thank you. My assistant, Scottie Barnes, everyone.
The crowd sort of cheers? They aren’t really sure what to make of this.
Real Deal: I want to congratulate the Unholy Cyber Army on outlasting the Atomic Punks and cementing their spot as the number one contenders heading into October’s PPV, THE HUNT.
Their clash with the Devil’s Advocates should be as violent and bloody as SHOOT Project fans young and old have come to expect from this place, and I for one… cannot wait to see the carnage.
Real Deal smirks and the crowd pops.
Real Deal: So with that piece of business out of the way, we’ll get to the next one. The World Heavyweight Championship match at the Hunt. Originally, that was scheduled to be NC-17 taking full advantage of the championship opportunity that he earned by winning Master of the Mat.
Real Deal sighs.
Real Deal: Much to my chagrin, of course. BUT, there’s been a development.
The crowd quiets down, waiting.
Real Deal: NC-17 has been unable to get medically cleared for reasons that have not been disclosed to the SHOOT Project, so he cannot compete, and since we’re not being informed what the actual issue is… at this point, the SHOOT Project must suspend NC-17 indefinitely.
The crowd is interested, noise is starting to perk up.
Real Deal: Now, I am benevolent and just, as my good friend Scottie Barnes can attest to, so when NC-17 is able to return to us and when he is cleared, he will retain his championship opportunity. As much as I wish he hadn’t won that, he did earn it, and we do try to be fair here most of the time.
Jason Johnson: That’s a surprising move.
Eryk Masters: It’s like he said, Jason, fairness.
Jason Johnson: Yeah, I don’t know about all that.
Real Deal: So you guys are probably wondering what exactly that means for Laura Seton’s title defense at the Hunt. Well, I can ASSURE you that we’ve gotten a lot of interest in what’s going on, especially once word of NC-17’s issues started to make their way to the public, but we’ve decided in true SHOOT Project fashion, that we’re going to have a big ol’ clusterfuck of a number one contender’s match.
The crowd pops for that!
Real Deal: I knew you guys would be down. Here’s who the competitors are going to be.
He pulls a sheet of paper over from the side of his desk.
Real Deal: RIA.
LOCUST.
Lindsay Troy.
And finally…
Because I AM that benevolent and I AM that fair… and because I note that a HEXXX representative DID win Master of the Mat… I’m giving the last slot in that match to none other than AYUMI SEPPUKU.
The crowd is shocked and start to boo, but Real Deal holds his hand up.
Real Deal: Trust me, I know. The idea of Ayumi Seppuku possibly getting ahold of the World Heavyweight Championship makes me a little ill on the inside. I hate the idea of it, but objectively speaking… it’s the best possible solution that we have right now for business.
Well, it was, anyway.
He smiles.
Real Deal: The issue between HEXXX and Lindsay Troy threatens the potential balance of this match, so we thought we’d throw in an X-factor, if you will. Someone who can keep the peace and has a vested interest in the outcome of the match as it is.
That’s right, we’re doing a guest referee deal, and who might that guest referee be, praytell?
He smiles again.
Real Deal: The reigning SHOOT Project World Heavyweight Champion, LAURA SETON.
The crowd explodes for that, understanding that the stakes are getting higher and higher.
Real Deal: So to recap… at Revolution 214… there will be a four way elimination match. Lindsay Troy, LOCUST, RIA, and Ayumi Seppuku will all vie for a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship and Laura Seton will be there on hand to facilitate it all. Cool? Cool.
LET THE HUNT BEGIN.
Fade.
